The life I live today is a dream come true

My name is Jose Fontanillo and I want to share my story with you.

I’m a father. I’m sober. I’m in recovery. I’m a beloved and active member of the community.I’m a Mentor Parent here at DAC.

But 5 years ago, I was none of these things.

I made a lot of bad choices when I was younger and drugs and alcohol were a big part of it. I was homeless for a very long time in San Jose and living in encampments in Jungle, Monterey Road, Jurassic Park.

I was in and out of jail. I was using drugs. I was in a lot of pain.

But most of all, I was full of contempt.

I hated everything. I hated myself, I hated my life, I hated the world. I thought I would die on the streets, in a tent, without friends or family. At the worst points of my addiction, I had no one I could call to help- not even my family.

As it is for many addicts, we have folks who love us but have to put boundaries down to help us. My family was the same. They loved me but they had to distance themselves to help.

If you had met me then, you wouldn’t believe that I could help people the way I do now. I wouldn’t have believed it. Because the life I live today is a dream come true.

And that turning point was my son, Jojo.

In 2019, I found out my partner at the time was pregnant, something shifted in me. I was suddenly needed by someone. I was going to be a father, a father with a child who needed me. Suddenly, I had a child who needed a parent, a parent who loved themself.

That is a mountain of a task for an addict.

When I went into recovery, I was using and I was full of fear and contempt and without support. But the peers in my recovery program took me in. They gave me purpose. They showed me that I was worthy of compassion. I was worthy of respect.

Now, as a mentor parent, I get to reflect that same compassion and respect to our clients every day.

I’ll never forget meeting one of my clients at DAC. He sat down and shared all his fears.

He told me how scared he was because he couldn’t stay clean and sober. He told me how he was homeless and lived in all the same encampments I had once resided in not too long ago. We realized that we’d been neighbours in those encampments just a kick, stone, across the same river bank.

I looked at him and said, "your story sounds exactly like my story. If I can recover, so can you.”

Once I shared my story, he didn’t see recovery as impossible anymore. He really saw that he could do it too. For me, it felt like it was destiny for us to meet. It felt like I was always meant to help him. I’m proud of him. We’re friends now. He’s got his daughter full-time. He provides for them. Our kids play with each other. Today on June 13, Family Reunification Day, he’ll be receiving an award.

We build rapport with folks that are in the worst possible time of their lives. We build trust with them in a time where they don’t trust anyone.

We’re there to hold their hands and say, "I’ve been where you’ve been. It looks impossible right now. But there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I’d like to help you get there.”

As mentor parents, it’s our job to remind them of this in their darkest moment. It’s our job to meet them where they’re at, without judgment, with compassion, with love and care. We are the secret sauce of DAC’s programming that helps build the required trust and bond with parents to support them in the ways they need.

I’m 5 years clean and sober. I love my job. I love the fact that I get to raise my son and be in his life. Like I said, the life I live today is a dream come true. And DAC helps facilitate dreams like mine every day.

Today is June 13, Family Reunification Day in Santa Clara County. It's a day where we celebrate the reunification of families. It’s a day where we honour the families who fought tooth and nail to be together.

Consider making a gift to DAC to support our fight. Every dollar helps us bring families together. Every dollar helps us fight to make sure every parent’s story is fully heard. Every dollar helps us advocate for parents to be seen in their full humanity.

We may not love what transformation looks like because it comes with risk. But for me, risk is the cost of entry for justice and for love.

Every parent that comes through our doors is worthy of both.

By supporting DAC, you’re helping us remind parents going through the worst moment of their life that they are worthy of dignity, compassion, and respect.

Every gift you make, helps us remind parents that they are worthy. Consider making a donation to DAC today. Let’s ensure that no parent navigating the court system to gain custody of their child, has to do it without the compassion and care they deserve.

Here’s a picture of me and Jojo. Every time I see him, I see how kind he is, how smart he is, how much he cares about the world. I see the spirit of God in him every time. He was my catalyst for transformation. He’s why I’m able to meet parents and share my story and support them the way I do.

Like I said, the life I live today is a dream come true.

Signed

Jose Fontanillo

Jojo’s Dad

Mentor Parent

Dependency Advocacy Center

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