Why I do this work

When I became a mentor parent, I was scared.

I was terrified of failure.

Not for myself, but for the parents who would come to me for help.

If I’m honest, my biggest fear was that I wouldn’t be able to help someone. That I’d walk with a parent through their case, give everything I had, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

What people don’t always understand is that when parents go through separation, court, recovery, and reunification, as mentor parents, we go through it with them. Their trauma isn’t abstract to us. It sits close to the surface. Every conversation, every hearing, every setback can bring back our own memories. Being a mentor parent means holding someone else’s pain while still carrying your own.

I had a client once who couldn’t talk to his co-parent or speak to his children at all. Not even a phone call. As a parent, that kind of silence is devastating. He walked into court expecting nothing to change. I did too. Usually, it takes months before visitations are even considered.

But that day, the judge looked closely at his progress. They saw the work he had put in. They listened to the facts instead of the allegations. And they granted him visitation.

We were both shocked.

It rarely happens like that. You usually have to file motions, wait for investigations, wait for hearings. But this time, the judge saw him clearly and made the call to award visitation.

Watching my client hear the words “you can see your children.” It brought back my own story. There was a time when I didn’t know where my kids were, or if they were safe. I was incarcerated. They were placed in foster care. Not being able to reach your child, not knowing anything about them, is gut wrenching.

So seeing my client get that moment the relief, the joy, the way he radiated happiness, it hit me hard.

It reminded me of why I do this work.

My client and I celebrated afterwards. We got lunch and he was talking up a storm.

It’s why I never hesitate to share my story. Yes, it brings up old wounds. Yes, it echoes the trauma I lived through. But I also remember that I survived it. I rebuilt my life. I got my kids back.

My story is a part of me.

And it can help someone else find their way back to their family, too.

Gilbert, DAC Mentor Parent

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